I worry I have broken the bone that cares that you read what I say.
Pouring over these poems that other people write,
watching the way we choose to fix the window
through which we are perceived
it is so obvious, your love
the way she moves in your mind
and she knows.
So the truth is dressed, the angle tilted
you play at being obscure, vague
the dim, one-language
of the constantly waking up at night
I do not write her letters anymore.
Feel defeated, completely, by knowing she knows -
how it is we do not talk, the way we do not smile
the absence entire of touch
so I move away from the sound
no longer entertain it.
It pains me to see you do it still,
how many years from that first glance
some joyous accident in body
why do we not let this go?
Silence is not love.
The things she leaves unsaid
unwritten
the lipless, duskwords you read into -
these are not a window you have climbed through
this is nowhere for you to sleep.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Not to be confused with 'Resolutions'...
This is more a list of things that, with the New Year rolling in, I intend to do or pay better attention to...let's call them...'Resolutions'.
shit.
1. Talk less in public.
2. Talk significantly less when I am by myself...ideally not at all. Baby steps.
2a. Listen better - what a neat trait, 'being a good listener', what an unfortunate thing to realize you are not.
3. Better manage grief.
4. Look at the horizon when walking - this is pretty neat and you should try it, unless you do it already, in which case you should look at a constantly shitting spot of ground 5 feet in front of you while you walk, for the sake of comparison.
5. Bullshit less, personal life, job, etc - this is a broad call to competency and production, i.e. write more, read more, be better, boast less
6. Stop biting my nails - not just that, manicure them, keep them clean, be classier, be space shuttle level.
7. Get back into college - don't let it be 2011 with a bunch of excuses.
8. Make less excuses by avoiding their necessity.
9. Hair cut?
10. Realistically pursue publication.
I don't generally roll into the new year intent on changing a lot - though I am not a great manifester of dynamic change in my own life, I tend to be consistently aware of the things I would like to be and how - or at least, have been over the last few years. Perhaps settling into this new 12 month stretch isn't a bad way to jump start it, though.
Another should be attempting to stop categorizing the things my brain does in piles of 'correct', 'weakness' and 'unacceptable' - here's me looking at this wide world viewing the turning of a particular moon around the earth as some revelation of change...I can't shake how little the thing we are standing on, and the vastness through which it hurtles, cares about a disco ball falling off the top of a building in New York.
Pessimism is, I think, so comforting because it is readily applicable in every situation. Let's get rid of that, too, shall we?
shit.
1. Talk less in public.
2. Talk significantly less when I am by myself...ideally not at all. Baby steps.
2a. Listen better - what a neat trait, 'being a good listener', what an unfortunate thing to realize you are not.
3. Better manage grief.
4. Look at the horizon when walking - this is pretty neat and you should try it, unless you do it already, in which case you should look at a constantly shitting spot of ground 5 feet in front of you while you walk, for the sake of comparison.
5. Bullshit less, personal life, job, etc - this is a broad call to competency and production, i.e. write more, read more, be better, boast less
6. Stop biting my nails - not just that, manicure them, keep them clean, be classier, be space shuttle level.
7. Get back into college - don't let it be 2011 with a bunch of excuses.
8. Make less excuses by avoiding their necessity.
9. Hair cut?
10. Realistically pursue publication.
I don't generally roll into the new year intent on changing a lot - though I am not a great manifester of dynamic change in my own life, I tend to be consistently aware of the things I would like to be and how - or at least, have been over the last few years. Perhaps settling into this new 12 month stretch isn't a bad way to jump start it, though.
Another should be attempting to stop categorizing the things my brain does in piles of 'correct', 'weakness' and 'unacceptable' - here's me looking at this wide world viewing the turning of a particular moon around the earth as some revelation of change...I can't shake how little the thing we are standing on, and the vastness through which it hurtles, cares about a disco ball falling off the top of a building in New York.
Pessimism is, I think, so comforting because it is readily applicable in every situation. Let's get rid of that, too, shall we?
easylover,she'llgetaholdonyoubelieveit
Tuesday, June 16, 2009 at 1:47pm
Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.
It is the most-requested column I've ever written."
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and
parents will. Stay in touch..
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck..
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their
journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God
never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is
up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no
for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.
Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words:
'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business..
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did
or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37.. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd
grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
Its estimated 93% won't forward this. If you are one of the 7% who will,
forward this with the title '7%'.
I'm in the 7%.
Remember that I will always share my spoon with you!
Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves.
Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.
It is the most-requested column I've ever written."
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and
parents will. Stay in touch..
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck..
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their
journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God
never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is
up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no
for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.
Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words:
'In five years, will this matter?'
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business..
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did
or didn't do.
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
37.. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd
grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come.
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."
Its estimated 93% won't forward this. If you are one of the 7% who will,
forward this with the title '7%'.
I'm in the 7%.
Remember that I will always share my spoon with you!
Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves.
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