Tom Petty and the

MSTRKRFT – Featuring John Legend from vincent haycock on Vimeo.

I have been listening to this song non-stop for days. I never saw the movie, but I am either Cuba Gooding Jr. or Tom Cruise and it is whatever completes them or, in this case, me.

Mom hosted a house concert tonight down in Providence, RI. It was a fairly whirlwind emotional experience - most of Providence is written over by the time I spent there with Becky, most of what I know of the city is from the windows of my car with her curled in the passenger seat, I count 3 whole albums I can't listen to because of that time. So troublesome this memory.

Called her from there, am aware how...heavy I can make these acts to myself, and in the end landed somewhere around 'I want to', so I did. Sat awhile in the sunken garden behind the house where my mother takes an apartment - all brick and ivy and wrought iron pockets of furniture, tucked out of the wind; the Secret Garden started somewhere like my mother's backyard and in the dark with the insistent and tallowfat moon...easy victim I am for these urgings at connection.

She did not answer and it was not a shock.

Declan's mother was at the concert also. Hugged and kissed and hello and then I avoided her the rest of the night - hard enough to explain to my own mother why it is I refuse to have him in my life now that he has moved away, I can't imagine his mother would consider me anymore sensible.

Such an odd evening - would have stayed longer, though I managed the whole set, but back continued to ache and the ride home began to feel worse and worse in anticipation. So I left. There is a bit more good news, great news, but I am hesitant to even breathe it aloud til it is finished.